Chapter 4. George is summoned to HR.
“George. Oh good. Sit down, won’t you?”
George sat down, crossed his legs, and opened his virgin notepad, which he had got out of the stationary cupboard especially for this meeting.
“Mr. Jenkins has asked me to talk to you, George. He is concerned about your, um, attitude at work, and feels that you may have some personal issues. That is why he thought it was better I talk to you.”
“He thought it would be better I talk to a complete stranger than a manager I have known for three years?”
“I think that type of response may be what Mr. Jenkins was talking about.”
Damn, thought George. He had rehearsed this meeting over and over again. Now he had put the HR baboon on the back foot already.
“I thought we would start by looking at one recent incident. Mr. Jenkins told me you stormed out of a planning meeting, which reflected badly on the competency of his team in front of some important managers. Why did you do that George?”
“I didn’t storm.”
“Sorry?”
“I didn’t storm out. I collected my papers and I walked out. I didn’t slam the door, I didn’t throw anything. I left the meeting.”
“O.K. Why did you leave the meeting George?”
“The meeting was to decide if we were to incorporate a certain feature in our product. I was the one who had proposed the feature. After thirty minutes of trying to explain, I was told the decision had already been made to drop the feature, and instead, to add another idea that marketing had proposed. I pointed out that I had already considered their idea and it would not work, would not make the product better, would cost too much, and would make the product late: I had already sent them a summary of my conclusions. I was told I was being unhelpful, so I decided to be unhelpful somewhere else.”
George was becoming breathless and he could feel his heart pumping rapidly. He told himself to remain calm and not to lose his cool.
“You should not take these things so personally George; it is unprofessional. I am sure they had a good reason for making the decision.”
“That is unlikely. You are attributing commonsense and intelligence to them, and that is unwarranted and unjustifiable.”
“They are your managers George.”
“Exactly. They did not choose to be what they are. They are like dustbin men, they are doing it because there is nothing else they can do, and because they have no morals and don’t want to work, they become managers. At least dustbin men fulfil a social need.”
“I think you should be careful you do not step over the line. Some people could deem what you have said as offensive. Do you seriously think a company can run without managers George?”
“I seriously think a company can run better with less managers.”
“That is a rather ridiculous thing to say, don’t you think George? Do you think that Microsoft, or IBM, or ICI run without managers?”
“Of course they have managers. That doesn’t mean they wouldn’t run better with less of them. This company has more managers than engineers. If we were a management consultancy that might be fine, but as we design and manufacture things that seems a luxury. It’s like having a brothel that has more madams than whores. What do managers do, other than attend meetings with other managers and send pointless e-mails? What do they contribute to the running of the company other than absorbing its resources.”
“They manage the day to day running of the company George. Without them the company would soon be in chaos.”
“You mean it isn’t? I guess you are working on the premise that given a million monkeys and a million typewriters they will eventually come up with Macbeth; that is why you keep recruiting them, rather than more engineers who are working twelve hour days to bail the company out of the mess we are in.”
“Are you saying I can’t do my job unless I have a manager, or better, more than more? I am capable of solving relatively complex engineering issues, but I am not capable of organising my day to day schedule. You should know I can wipe my own arse and I seem to be able to do that without a manager.”
George could see the HR baboon was getting a little flustered and he found it difficult to not smile. This is not in your 'How to be a HR Manager' book is it?
“You are just being stupid now George.”
“I hear that a lot. It is usually said to me by people with little intelligence and no imagination.”
George was warming up.
“How did they get to be managers? Most of them are raw graduates with a nonsensical degree and with no experience of real life. If they want respect from me, perhaps they should first respect my training and knowledge instead of disparaging it in front of everyone, and making proposals that a five year old child would think stupid.”
“This conversation is going nowhere George. I hoped we might be able to resolve some of your issues today, but I can only help you if you are willing to be helped.”
George closed his still unused notebook and started to get out his chair.
“I will have to report our conversation to Mr Jenkins and Mr Presley.”
George recognised the thinly veiled threat.
“So because my opinion is at odds with my managers, and you, it is assumed I must be in the wrong and I must change. Tow the line, suck some cock, lick some arse, and I’ll be tolerated in the company, and if I’m a good boy you may throw me a few extra pennies.”
As he left the office he noticed the sign on the door, Mr. Bedlam, HR Manager. He smiled.
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