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Fiction: Plenty More Fish In The Sea 09-02-2007 - by jay12
(311 words) |
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This is the most unsubtle metaphor I've ever written.
I stood on the bows of the deck and looked at my fishing rod. On it was the biggest fish I had ever seen in my life. With some effort I managed to pull him up almost into the boat. The skipper walked over to me and said, “That’s a fine catch you got there me hearty!”
I turned to him beaming and proud, “It is sir, and it’s just the one that I’d hoped to catch so beautiful and elegant - even flopping around on the end of my line. It looks like it’s dancing for me.”
“It does that son, it does look kinda elegant. You’ll be gorged so full tonight on that you’ll burst, think of the satisfaction.”
My mind wandered for a moment at the thought of the happy feeling I’d have once this beautiful creature was ready for its purpose and I drooled. In that second of my thought, the creature whipped its tale suddenly, twanging the line. It somehow fell free and gracefully, like an Olympic diver scored a perfect 10 as it plunged back into the depths.
“Noooooo!” I screamed as my daydream disappeared beneath the waves with it.
The skipper walked over and stood next to me, putting his arm around my shoulders.
“Don’t worry there are plenty more fish in these here seas.”
“But I wanted that one.” I whispered pathetically under my breath.
“Yes son, but I guess it just wasn’t to be.”
I reeled in my line and packed it away.
“So you’re gonna give up are you?” he asked me.
“Yeah,” I replied, “I’ve suddenly lost my appetite.”
And that I had, until later that evening as I ate bread and cheese I sat opposite skipper with his plate full of cod. Then I realised that sometimes it’s easier to accept things and simply keep on trying.
Critique/comments welcome
Average Score: 0 / Votes: 0
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Comment posted by bluepootle
(09-02-2007 07:14)
Send bluepootle a Private
Message | I liked this. Quite tongue in cheek, but very approachable. I'd cut the last line though. | |
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Reply from jay12
Thanks for reading Aliya. The tongue was very much in cheek when I wrote this. Twas just a bit of flash as I haven't written for a while and was just playing around.
Jay. |
Comment posted by Claire
(09-02-2007 08:42)
Send Claire a Private
Message | James this is an excellent read. Very creative, a damn good way to get your point across.
Never give up... there's plenty more fish in the sea. ;^) | |
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Reply from jay12
My maggot never seems to attract the fishes, I dunno if I'm waggling it wrong! Thanks for reading and commenting as ever!
Jay.x |
Comment posted by Kazzmoss
(09-02-2007 04:02)
Send Kazzmoss a Private
Message | He, He, James! Quite literal, plenty more fish in the sea! Very tongue in cheek! Good bit of fun and well written - Kazz | |
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Reply from jay12
Glad you liked this bit of silly flash!
Jay. |
Comment posted by KDR
(09-02-2007 07:23)
Send KDR a Private
Message | You're right; the metaphor is a bit unsubtle. But it's still good. :-)
Karl | |
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Reply from jay12
Subtle aint my bag, bud! Cheers for popping by, aint seen you around for ages. I'll check out your latest subbies when I get chance.
Jay. |
Comment posted by Kat
(10-02-2007 09:01)
Send Kat a Private
Message | Jay, like what you're saying here - well-rendered!
Kat :o) | |
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Reply from jay12
Hi Kat, cheers for popping by. I wrote this when I thought I was gonna get dumped and I was feeling really bad about it.
Jay. |
Comment posted by Flash
(10-02-2007 09:20)
Send Flash a Private
Message | Nice one Jay. Perhaps more of these short flash stories, will help you build on your writing techniques?
Flash | |
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Reply from jay12
Hi Flash, yeah I think that these little writing exercises now and again will help me try different and new things. Thanks for dropping by and reading me.
Jay. |
Comment posted by orangedream
(10-02-2007 09:40)
Send orangedream a Private
Message | Jay - I really like this and I think the metaphor adds to it. It is so unsubtly amusing. Appeals to my sense of humour anyway. A good piece of flash.
Tina:-) | |
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Reply from jay12
Hi Tina, glad you liked it. I dunno what I was aiming for with this as I wrote it in a negative and sad (feeling sorry for myself) state. I'm glad you think it's amusing but I never intended for it to be funny. Cheers for reading.
Jay. |
Comment posted by niece
(11-02-2007 11:47)
Send niece a Private
Message | James,
A very interesting read...and very very motivating! Good imagery, especially the one where the fish escapes...!
Regds,
niece | |
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Reply from jay12
Hiya, I'm glad that you dropped by and took a peek at this. You say it's motivating, I'd love for you to elaborate on that more. If maybe it motivates you to get on with your life as "there are plenty more fish in the sea," or it motivates you to write, then its good enough for me!
Jay. |
Comment posted by niece
(13-02-2007 04:00)
Send niece a Private
Message | Jay, when I said motivating, I meant the subject...but I guess, any good bit of fiction is indeed a motivator and it can be taken in that sense too...I think this is an exceptionally good bit of work and the best thing about this story is the way it's been told...sharp and to-the-point...
Regd,
niece | |
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Reply from jay12
I like things that are straight to the point. Thanks for replying to my reply.
Jay. |
Comment posted by erniewall
(06-03-2007 02:06)
Send erniewall a Private
Message | Not a bad bit of fiction if I say so myself. | |
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Reply from jay12
What ever you wanna say Ernie, you're the boss. |
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